California

"Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along."

 

- Rae Smith

 

The Open Road by Trey Ratcliff

During the times in which I fell apart, I created a vision of what my life would look like once I pulled myself back together. When I was sick as a teenager, my vision was simply a healthy me and a brighter and better future. I didn't know what choices awaited as I grew into a woman. I was full of expectation, hope, and even impatience. I wanted to get out and experience my life restored.

Fast forward to another broken time, my divorce. More jaded, I was becoming afraid of life, and all the choices confronting me. After I adjusted to the loss and settled into my new reality as a single mother, I was faced with the truth of my contribution to the deterioration of my marriage. I was able to admit that there were ways in which I sabotaged its success. After all, we teach people how to treat us. I was brutally honest about the things I wanted to change about me, I knew this was an opportunity for me to grow, if I took it. A vision of my dream life slowly started to emerge.

Rather than feeling stuck throughout the long and painful experience of divorce, I chose to set my sights on the life I was slowly creating. Dreams don't come to pass when we necessarily want them to, they are reached in small increments, mile by mile. My dream life was my "California". I vividly created with images and words a picture of my future that included the fulfillment of my deepest dreams.

I was on my way, hands on the wheel, foot on the pedal, kids in the back seat, driving to California. Knowing I was on a journey to a grand destination, my days didn't seem so dreary. The long hours studying and staying up with an infant didn't seem all for naught. The battle over minute details during my divorce seemed unimportant. I had purpose, determination and willpower. Delayed gratification took on a new meaning to me, I had no clue when I would arrive in California, I only knew I would get there if I kept driving.

I am now living in my proverbial California imagined during my divorce, and enjoying each blessing that enhances my life, and there are many. I've learned that as I keep adding to my dream list, I will always be on the journey, the destination keeps growing more and more beautiful. What are you creating for your future? Where do you want to be 5 years from now? What are you doing now to get you there? Do you have a vision? If not, create one- write down every detail, attach pictures to a poster board, bulletin board or journal.

We are constantly falling apart in little or big ways, giving us the chance to start anew with every sunrise. I want to help you see the magnificent possibilities within the falling apart, then it won't feel so painful. Re-visit your vision often, are you getting closer? You will if you imagine... and continue driving.