No Fear

"Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

 

-J. K. Rowling (Harvard Commencement Speech)

 

Fear can do a number on us. It can keep us from so much that life has to offer. By imagining and fearing the worst, we keep ourselves trapped in a small life. Everyone has some level of fear, the question is whether we let it stop us. I love the adage 'feel the fear and do it anyway', you are bigger than your fears.

Rowling, before authoring of the infamous Harry Potters series, hit rock bottom after divorce, becoming a single mother with no job and a baby to care for, she lived in extreme poverty. When we are stripped to our essence, we quickly learn what we are made of. When the worst has happened to us, we can choose to no longer be afraid of it. Rowling, at her bottom, chose to dig deep into her determination to be none other than herself, a writer.

There is something about the freedom that comes from facing our fears. I believe we don't have to wait for failure to happen to learn from it. We can live from the premise that we are okay no matter what. This is a nothing-to-lose mentality that can propel us higher, beyond what we think is possible. When we're willing to face the deep depths, we're able to face the greatest heights- they're more closely linked than you can imagine, fear of one leads to fear of the other.

I had a lot of fear during my divorce, I was pregnant with our fourth child and unsure if my soon to be ex-husband would be around for financial support. I lacked a career, family nearby, or any idea how I would get through emotionally. I remember being asked about the worst that could happen, my biggest fear at that point was was homelessness. I then understood my fear was a distant possibility, just by naming it I was able to move forward with my life. Even if my fear was realized, I would be alive, I would have my four beautiful children, and I would find a way out.

I encourage you to name your fears both large and small, identifying the darkness sheds light. Write them down, then give yourself a reality check, even if they did happen, what would you do? When you've written them down, burn the paper, shred it, destroy it in a satisfactory way. Say out loud, "I am letting go of my fear of ...."

When I lose my fear, I am free- to be myself, to live with passion, to pursue what I want in this lifetime, to be the type of person I am proud to be. I can live from the light within me- unique, unobstructed and brilliant as ever. You can too, in fact you were meant to. Face what's holding you back, take away its power, believe that amazing and good things will happen, they are unfolding in their own time, at a divinely inspired pace. Fear is but an emotion, it's time we put it in its place.

No Regrets

"In the absence of clearly defined goals, we become

strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until

ultimately we become enslaved by it."

 

 - Robert Heinlein

How easy it is to get wrapped up in the day-to-day. As a mother of more than a few kids, I know this first-hand. Housecleaning, appointments, to-do lists, shopping, lessons, sports, meal planning, emails and endless errands fill my time. Before I realize it, the day has escaped me and one bleeds into the next. By looking at how I spend my time, you would discern that I prefer to do laundry and dishes over following my dreams. These things vie for my attention as I take the weighty steps toward my desk to sit down to write every day. Do the daily minutiae take priority over my life goals? No, but I have to convince myself of this often.
  
What will you be doing five years from now? Try this writing exercise to describe your ideal future. Use this as a platform for creating a vision for your life. Defining where I am going helps me to stick to the road I am on, instead of taking unknown detours. I have to know what I want before I set out to get it or I risk major distraction.

How I choose to spend my time now will make a difference later. Delayed gratification is real, if I take small steps today, tomorrow, and the next day, it will add up to big change no matter the goal. While I cannot escape all of my duties, I cannot let them overwhelm me to the point there is nothing left. I have a choice to use what free time I have wisely, in a way I won't regret five, ten, twenty years from now.

We are greeted every day with an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. We can take on new ventures and leave behind what no longer works. We can prioritize and schedule time in our busy calendars to follow our hearts. We have as many hours in the day as the greatest achievers throughout history. The question is, do you have the same focus and determination?  Do you know where you are going? You may not be able to map every step of the way, every twist and turn the road delivers, but you can have a clearly defined goal. I bet there is something that you can do today to begin to make your dreams a reality, the laundry and dishes can wait.

Dare to be Different

"To be nobody-but-myself—in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else– means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.”

– E.E. Cummings

 

There's something very attractive about the idea of just being myself, it sounds simple yet profound. I have to ask next, how or when am I not myself? We all feel the burden to fit in: to think, feel and act the way we're "supposed to". The pressure might come from family, friends, society, anyone really. I believe we are under extreme pressure to conform, to behave in accordance with who others think we are or should be. We are taught from a young age to care about everyone else's opinions about us and respond in kind, to not rock the boat or cause discomfort to others. In response, we develop a false self, an acceptable face we put on for the world and forget what we've buried beneath the facade.

The expectations placed upon us are related to the roles we play, labels such as: mother, wife, divorcee, athlete, daughter, working mom, vegan, stay at home mom, sister, sick person, fit person, Christian... have all applied to me at some point. I find it amusing to surprise people with facts about me, like when I was a single mother with four young children, working full-time, and a triathlete. The labels didn't mix in their minds and they would more often respond with "whoa", perhaps they simply wondered how I fit it all in. I am a liberal Christian, and this confuses some people as well, just because I  strive to live by Jesus' teachings does not mean I am right wing conservative. We like to pigeonhole others, and I'm probably just as guilty in many respects. In our minds we think we have someone figured out, maybe we're trying to make everyone the same when the truth is we are all magically and wonderfully unique.

It's so easy to conform! My own life decisions sometimes teeter on the edge of being what others want or expect versus being true to myself. We all want to be accepted and loved, at a very deep level. We've all felt admonished for being who we are, as if we're not good enough, impractical, or too different. A young child dresses up in a superhero costume and his mom makes him change before going out, to avoid her own embarrassment. A college student majors in business because his parents have convinced him his art will never earn him a living in the "real world". A teenage girl purposefully keeps from raising her hand in class to avoid appearing the "know-it-all" in front of her peers. We're constantly being told how to be ourselves, no wonder it feels like a struggle to avoid becoming everybody else.

We were each created to be different because the world needs what is uniquely ours to contribute. When you think of people who have changed the world, they have done so by following their own intuition and creative voice, against everything and everyone that told them they should be different. Steve Jobs dropped out of college, studied calligraphy and collected cans and bottles to obtain money for food. He followed his inner voice and is known as the "Father of the Digital Revolution". His advice to us, "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." (Stanford commencement speech)

Never stop being yourself. I wish you the courage to fight the good fight, to follow your heart no matter where it takes you, to trust that still, small voice within you. Do what you are being called to do, even if you can only fit in five minutes a day toward the pursuit of your dreams. You were put here for a reason, and the world is waiting to experience your own unique gifts, the real you, in all of your superhero splendor.

Create

Experiencing sadness and anger can make you feel more creative, and by being creative, you can get beyond your pain or negativity. People's reactions to my work aren't necessarily important- it's fine if they have different opinions. If their response is good, then I feel good, but what I create has more to do with myself. When I express myself, I feel free.

 

 - Yoko Ono on her new book, "An Invisible Flower"

 'Unleash your creative spirit' Laura Hollick dancing. Photo by Kevin Thom

 

 

Creativity is essential to my serenity. My chosen outlet is and has been writing. I began as soon as I could put pen to paper, recording everyday events, desires and dreams. I kept a diary throughout my childhood, a small book with a vinyl floral padded cover, little brass lock and key. Unfortunately my two younger brothers figured out how to use a paperclip to undermine my privacy and at age ten told the neighbor boy I was madly in love with him. Luckily I didn't let my extreme chagrin keep me from my expressing myself through the written word.

 

Nowadays it's more mature to say I "journal", though often it feels more like a confession to my Dearest Diary, a bit more unsophisticated. I begin the creative process of putting words down in the way I always have, by writing from what I know. This blog is a sort of journal, I write about what I wish I could tell my former self in the midst of sorrow and crisis. I write about what I have learned.
 

I value creativity, I believe we all have an innate need to create something. I reason that we hold the divine within us and divinity's most important task is creating. By tapping into our subconscious, we can pull forth something that has not yet existed in time and space. I can write new sentences that give fresh insight into my life experience. I can inspire others by infusing bits of myself into the fabric of my words. I process grief, sadness and joy as well, by writing.

 

Your art could take on a myriad of different forms, it's not the procedure that matters, expressing yourself matters. Why should we keep all of the beautiful things we've learned inside of us? I know that I am living my life to grow, gain wisdom, and to be the hands and feet of divinity (aka God) on this planet. If I can share what I have gathered thus far, maybe I could help you in your journey and in the process give life to what is true within me.