Suitcases

Emotional baggage, let's start with a basic fact: everyone has it. So, if you have a little (or a lot) stuffed away, you're not alone. What is baggage, where does it come from, where do we store it, and how do we unpack? I'm not an expert, but I have experience with my own baggage. My own stuff comes from unresolved feelings (hurt, anger, resentment, guilt), that were not expressed at their inception, so they hang around and wreak havoc from time to time. Many of us are good at burying the baggage deep inside our suitcase, so we sometimes forget it's there until it comes exploding out in a messy pile. The original junk is unrecognizable, so it can take some time and energy, and more emotions, to begin to sort through and unpack. The "suitcase" is our bodies, we store the baggage in our tight shoulders, jaw, chest, stomach, most likely you know this already. What damage does it cause? Just imagine yourself carrying a heavy physical load, it can slow you down, keep you from feeling light and free. A suitcase of junk cautions you from further risk adding to it, thus keeping you from new people, new experiences, new challenges, new heights. The suitcase keeps us safely tied to the ground, stagnantly still, it keeps us from growing. I believe that if not addressed, baggage can also cause disease.

So, why don't we just "let go of the baggage", you ask? If it were that easy my dear, we'd all be free. It takes deliberate unpacking, piece by meticulous piece, with help. I've learned that I can intellectually know something (my issue is......, the solution is to.......) but until I have support, understanding, and the opportunity to learn from others' similar struggles, I will not grow. A flower needs the soil, sun, water, nutrients... who are we to think we can be independent with our own growth? Not possible. I've also learned that love from friends and family (not just my spouse) are essential.

So, let me be a loving friend helping you to unpack. I know I need to dig in my suitcase when I have an emotional reaction that taps into the old stuff I've tried to hide away. The reaction is larger than the situation would warrant. I call someone, talk it through and start to identify those deeper feelings that went unexpressed, talking and writing help me to detail the origin of the baggage. If there is unresolved business with someone, take some time to consider a response to the situation: a letter, a conversation (as difficult as it may be), or an apology may be in order, action may be required. I accept and express the feelings that come up during this process, as messy as they feel, finally- release! This may take going over the same load more than once, usually the sock has a cousin stuffed in there. Come back to the suitcase often, dust is growth's worst enemy. Unpacking also takes a lot of self-love. Give yourself credit for the work you are undertaking and practice good self care.

To keep myself from packing more into the suitcase now, I am direct with people. If I have been hurt by something someone did or didn't do, I address it as soon as possible, with love. If I have wronged another, I make amends as soon as I recognize it. When we stuff, we suffer. This also helps to develop emotional intimacy, no more guessing what the other person is feeling, let's show it!

Trust me, your baggage will not suddenly disappear one magical day. By not peeking under the lid from time to time, we keep ourselves from the best life has to offer, and we keep ourselves from our true purpose. So, go ahead, lighten up! You've got nothing to lose, but the junk!

Life is Short, Make a List

"Listen, are you breathing just a little,

     and calling it a life?...

For how long will you continue to listen 

     to those dark shouters,

     caution and prudence?

Fall in! Fall in!"

-Mary Oliver

 

I am inspired by a story featured in the Chicago Tribune recently, "The Unfolding Legacy of Andrew Kuebrich". The article tells the story of Andrew, a 24 year old killed while cycling in Taiwan. He was living out his "bucket list", which his parents found in a journal among his possessions after his passing. While I am completely saddened by the tragedy of this story and my heart reaches out to Andrew's family, I have a sense of awe and admiration for Andrew. He wrote in his journal, "This is not a wish-I-would-have-done-it list. This is a I-did-it-and-it-was-amazing list. I feel like most people wander aimlessly through life like a zombie and never break through and experience it." (Chicago Tribune) As time passed, Andrew's parents began posting items from his To Do list on Facebook, friends and family members began posting back photographs of themselves living out the goals he had recorded, while holding a photo of Andrew.

This story inspired me to create my own list, I'm up to eleven things I plan to do in this lifetime, and counting. Andrew has given me the example to take action to complete the items my list, and not let my dreams stay dreams. Andrew showed that one person can make a difference in this world by embodying a wonderful combination of being of service to others and living out loud. I choose to engage with life today, to wake up and live out my passions with focus and determination, to come up with tangible ways I can make a difference to others. I make a conscious decision to leave fear and excuses behind. I choose to take the limits off my dreams and take steps to checking off the next item on my To Do list.

I never knew Andrew, nor will I have a chance to. I may never meet his parents or brothers. I do know that they can check off #76 from his list, "Make a difference in one stranger's life". By writing down what we plan to do during our lifetime and then setting about to do it, we ignite the amazing light within us, live a life of great passion, and in turn inspire others to do the same. Andrew has done this for me, and for that I thank him (and his parents for having the courage to share his story).

Overcome

"All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming it."

- Hellen Keller

This year's summer Olympics were particularly inspiring to me and I'm not ready to let them go. I heard story after story of personal triumph over adversity and witnessed amazing courage and strength in competition. Maybe it was a deliberate focus of the media this time around, or maybe we as a society are at a point where we care to know what a person has overcome to get to such a pinnacle in their lives. To remember that each Olympian is human, like you or me, and has had to cope with sometimes extreme difficulty to achieve their dreams reminds me of our innate resilience. 

Though there were broadcast biographies that exemplified the amazing strength of the human spirit, I know that each person that competed at the games has their own personal story of overcoming. Stories like: Oscar Pistorius (pictured) nicknamed "Blade Runner", who claims he never thought of himself as having a disability after having both legs amputated at age 11 months, he just thought he had different shoes; Bryshon Nellum, the sprinter from USC who was shot in both legs and had to undergo surgeries and rehabilitation to be able to walk again, let alone run; Kellie Wells, a hurdler who overcame abuse as a teenager and loss of her mother and is just recently speaking about what she endured; to Lolo Jones, sprinter, who was raised by a hardworking single mother and overcame poverty and homelessness; and Tahmina Kohistani, sprinter from Afganistan, by her mere identity as a female runner is seen as a threat in her country overcame pressure and discrimination to compete under her country's flag. These stories remind us to keep going, to not give up. When I hear of what others have accomplished despite their setbacks, I become a well of hope and strength.  I can't help but think if they can do it, so can I.

While I don't have Olympic aspirations, I know that whatever I can dream, I can achieve. We were not given aspirations to have them sit idle, we were also given exactly what we require to achieve exactly what was put in our hearts, no matter what is going on in our lives. How can I have any excuses after these living examples? There are none. Read about the people we just watched living their dreams in front of millions, they did it, so can I... so can you.