Suitcases

Emotional baggage, let's start with a basic fact: everyone has it. So, if you have a little (or a lot) stuffed away, you're not alone. What is baggage, where does it come from, where do we store it, and how do we unpack? I'm not an expert, but I have experience with my own baggage. My own stuff comes from unresolved feelings (hurt, anger, resentment, guilt), that were not expressed at their inception, so they hang around and wreak havoc from time to time. Many of us are good at burying the baggage deep inside our suitcase, so we sometimes forget it's there until it comes exploding out in a messy pile. The original junk is unrecognizable, so it can take some time and energy, and more emotions, to begin to sort through and unpack. The "suitcase" is our bodies, we store the baggage in our tight shoulders, jaw, chest, stomach, most likely you know this already. What damage does it cause? Just imagine yourself carrying a heavy physical load, it can slow you down, keep you from feeling light and free. A suitcase of junk cautions you from further risk adding to it, thus keeping you from new people, new experiences, new challenges, new heights. The suitcase keeps us safely tied to the ground, stagnantly still, it keeps us from growing. I believe that if not addressed, baggage can also cause disease.

So, why don't we just "let go of the baggage", you ask? If it were that easy my dear, we'd all be free. It takes deliberate unpacking, piece by meticulous piece, with help. I've learned that I can intellectually know something (my issue is......, the solution is to.......) but until I have support, understanding, and the opportunity to learn from others' similar struggles, I will not grow. A flower needs the soil, sun, water, nutrients... who are we to think we can be independent with our own growth? Not possible. I've also learned that love from friends and family (not just my spouse) are essential.

So, let me be a loving friend helping you to unpack. I know I need to dig in my suitcase when I have an emotional reaction that taps into the old stuff I've tried to hide away. The reaction is larger than the situation would warrant. I call someone, talk it through and start to identify those deeper feelings that went unexpressed, talking and writing help me to detail the origin of the baggage. If there is unresolved business with someone, take some time to consider a response to the situation: a letter, a conversation (as difficult as it may be), or an apology may be in order, action may be required. I accept and express the feelings that come up during this process, as messy as they feel, finally- release! This may take going over the same load more than once, usually the sock has a cousin stuffed in there. Come back to the suitcase often, dust is growth's worst enemy. Unpacking also takes a lot of self-love. Give yourself credit for the work you are undertaking and practice good self care.

To keep myself from packing more into the suitcase now, I am direct with people. If I have been hurt by something someone did or didn't do, I address it as soon as possible, with love. If I have wronged another, I make amends as soon as I recognize it. When we stuff, we suffer. This also helps to develop emotional intimacy, no more guessing what the other person is feeling, let's show it!

Trust me, your baggage will not suddenly disappear one magical day. By not peeking under the lid from time to time, we keep ourselves from the best life has to offer, and we keep ourselves from our true purpose. So, go ahead, lighten up! You've got nothing to lose, but the junk!