You Are Prepared

"You are not defined by your past,

you are prepared by your past."

 

-Joel Osteen

 

 

 

You cannot know what you are being prepared for, plain and simple, but I know it's great. What you are experiencing today, or have been through yesterday, may be the exact circumstance needed to propel you to unimaginable heights that would have been impossible otherwise. Coping with adversity gives us the opportunity to:

• develop skills that bring us closer to our one true purpose,
• meet amazing people who come into our lives just when we need them most and change us forever,
• learn what we are made of through perseverance and rely on new-found strength,
• cultivate faith and watch fear take a flying leap.

You don't have to live your life from the viewpoint of a victim any longer, you are merely being prepared.

 

While we can't see the process as it's unfolding- in other words, in the midst of difficulty we can't always identify the good that will result- we can trust that we are exactly where we are supposed to be at every moment. You have what you need to move forward, so keep going sisters and brothers.

 

I recently shared with a friend the frequency of my family moves as a child, on average every two to three years. At every new school, I was often singled out, made fun of, picked on and criticized for being different. At each juncture, I left behind close friends and familiar  surroundings accompanied by many tearful good-byes. While I wouldn't wish for anyone to have the same experience, I learned a great deal from having to adapt many times over. As an adult I intuitively know how to create a quick community of loyal friends out of necessity, I am friendly and empathetic to a fault because I've been on the receiving end of left-out, I have a grand appreciation and love of nature because of all the beautiful places I've lived (so hard to pick a favorite, Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming...), I am self-confident because I've learned that I decide my self worth, not the bully down the street. The experience of being uprooted over and over provided me with depth of character, perhaps my biggest asset. I've benefited in more ways than I can even begin to list.

 

Our past does not ever limit us in what we can achieve. We cannot use any particular adversity as an excuse for not pursuing what we are being called to do. Quite the opposite, I believe in cultivating gratitude for our challenges, for we wouldn't be who we are today without them.

 

What difficulties have you faced and how have you grown because of them? What are you doing now that would have been impossible without a particular challenge? Do you have the courage to trust that you are being prepared each and every day?

 

If you lived your life from this simple premise- I am being prepared and not defined... what then becomes possible for you, my friend? 

 

I know the answer... everything. 

Dare to be Different

"To be nobody-but-myself—in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else– means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.”

– E.E. Cummings

 

There's something very attractive about the idea of just being myself, it sounds simple yet profound. I have to ask next, how or when am I not myself? We all feel the burden to fit in: to think, feel and act the way we're "supposed to". The pressure might come from family, friends, society, anyone really. I believe we are under extreme pressure to conform, to behave in accordance with who others think we are or should be. We are taught from a young age to care about everyone else's opinions about us and respond in kind, to not rock the boat or cause discomfort to others. In response, we develop a false self, an acceptable face we put on for the world and forget what we've buried beneath the facade.

The expectations placed upon us are related to the roles we play, labels such as: mother, wife, divorcee, athlete, daughter, working mom, vegan, stay at home mom, sister, sick person, fit person, Christian... have all applied to me at some point. I find it amusing to surprise people with facts about me, like when I was a single mother with four young children, working full-time, and a triathlete. The labels didn't mix in their minds and they would more often respond with "whoa", perhaps they simply wondered how I fit it all in. I am a liberal Christian, and this confuses some people as well, just because I  strive to live by Jesus' teachings does not mean I am right wing conservative. We like to pigeonhole others, and I'm probably just as guilty in many respects. In our minds we think we have someone figured out, maybe we're trying to make everyone the same when the truth is we are all magically and wonderfully unique.

It's so easy to conform! My own life decisions sometimes teeter on the edge of being what others want or expect versus being true to myself. We all want to be accepted and loved, at a very deep level. We've all felt admonished for being who we are, as if we're not good enough, impractical, or too different. A young child dresses up in a superhero costume and his mom makes him change before going out, to avoid her own embarrassment. A college student majors in business because his parents have convinced him his art will never earn him a living in the "real world". A teenage girl purposefully keeps from raising her hand in class to avoid appearing the "know-it-all" in front of her peers. We're constantly being told how to be ourselves, no wonder it feels like a struggle to avoid becoming everybody else.

We were each created to be different because the world needs what is uniquely ours to contribute. When you think of people who have changed the world, they have done so by following their own intuition and creative voice, against everything and everyone that told them they should be different. Steve Jobs dropped out of college, studied calligraphy and collected cans and bottles to obtain money for food. He followed his inner voice and is known as the "Father of the Digital Revolution". His advice to us, "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." (Stanford commencement speech)

Never stop being yourself. I wish you the courage to fight the good fight, to follow your heart no matter where it takes you, to trust that still, small voice within you. Do what you are being called to do, even if you can only fit in five minutes a day toward the pursuit of your dreams. You were put here for a reason, and the world is waiting to experience your own unique gifts, the real you, in all of your superhero splendor.

California

"Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along."

 

- Rae Smith

 

The Open Road by Trey Ratcliff

During the times in which I fell apart, I created a vision of what my life would look like once I pulled myself back together. When I was sick as a teenager, my vision was simply a healthy me and a brighter and better future. I didn't know what choices awaited as I grew into a woman. I was full of expectation, hope, and even impatience. I wanted to get out and experience my life restored.

Fast forward to another broken time, my divorce. More jaded, I was becoming afraid of life, and all the choices confronting me. After I adjusted to the loss and settled into my new reality as a single mother, I was faced with the truth of my contribution to the deterioration of my marriage. I was able to admit that there were ways in which I sabotaged its success. After all, we teach people how to treat us. I was brutally honest about the things I wanted to change about me, I knew this was an opportunity for me to grow, if I took it. A vision of my dream life slowly started to emerge.

Rather than feeling stuck throughout the long and painful experience of divorce, I chose to set my sights on the life I was slowly creating. Dreams don't come to pass when we necessarily want them to, they are reached in small increments, mile by mile. My dream life was my "California". I vividly created with images and words a picture of my future that included the fulfillment of my deepest dreams.

I was on my way, hands on the wheel, foot on the pedal, kids in the back seat, driving to California. Knowing I was on a journey to a grand destination, my days didn't seem so dreary. The long hours studying and staying up with an infant didn't seem all for naught. The battle over minute details during my divorce seemed unimportant. I had purpose, determination and willpower. Delayed gratification took on a new meaning to me, I had no clue when I would arrive in California, I only knew I would get there if I kept driving.

I am now living in my proverbial California imagined during my divorce, and enjoying each blessing that enhances my life, and there are many. I've learned that as I keep adding to my dream list, I will always be on the journey, the destination keeps growing more and more beautiful. What are you creating for your future? Where do you want to be 5 years from now? What are you doing now to get you there? Do you have a vision? If not, create one- write down every detail, attach pictures to a poster board, bulletin board or journal.

We are constantly falling apart in little or big ways, giving us the chance to start anew with every sunrise. I want to help you see the magnificent possibilities within the falling apart, then it won't feel so painful. Re-visit your vision often, are you getting closer? You will if you imagine... and continue driving.

For Lynda

"The things that happen to us do not determine who we are;

they reveal who we are."

 -Amy Bloom

 

 

Inner strength- do you have it or do you know someone that does, have you had to use yours much? We’re all a lot stronger than we think. Just like the iconic story of the mother that physically lifted a car to rescue her child from danger, we have superpower strength. This is why I’m uncomfortable when people tell me I’m strong. Well, yes I know that, but so are you, you just may not have had the opportunity to use it to the same extent.

We all have faced some sort of challenge in our past, maybe you’re in the midst of one now. Maybe you don’t feel very strong. While I think it’s important to not let our struggles define us (we are more than our struggles!), it’s also important to share how we got through because there is someone else that needs to hear it. This is why I blog.

Today I am saddened by news of a relative being diagnosed with cancer; I want to send her a dose of inner strength as she reels from the news. I know the act of surviving breeds strength, always. Sometimes we just have to take a deep breath and brace ourselves for what's ahead. I want her, and you, to know that you have the strength you need, within you, for anything you may face. Look to others to remind you of your strength, rely on them: those that have been there (authors, bloggers), friends, family, and especially God. Know that the pain is temporary, you can do this.

Maybe you need a reminder today of just how strong you are. You may not be facing a large struggle, but I bet there are plenty of small ones that pop up day to day. I believe we should stop measuring diffiulties, we are all in the same boat and what's small for one person is large for another, it's a mere matter of perspective.

Large, small, cancer, or a baby that refuses to sleep at night... you're not alone. You're about to reveal something wonderful you maybe never knew you contained- beautiful, graceful strength.

Love You First

"...all I plead with you is this: make love of yourself perfect."

 

-Sri Nisargadatla

 

There was a time in my life when hurling through the cosmos by a thread hanging from the edge of my pants was the norm. I didn't know up from down, left from right, and I was catapulting toward destruction. I was going through a divorce at the time, pregnant with my fourth child and trying to get back into the workforce while keeping some measure of sanity. I was alone, afraid, unsure of every decision, and expecting the worst. The most valuable piece of advice I received, in the middle of all of this chaos, was to set myself up for success.

As you can guess, I had set myself up for the polar opposite of happiness and fulfillment. I had no career, no emotional support, and no plan. When I did start moving in the direction of self-sufficiency, I felt like I lacked the tools to get where I wanted to go. I needed a lot during this time in my life, and it wasn't about to be handed to me on a pretty, shiny platter. I had to find the confidence and courage to ask for help so I could move through this challenging period toward a brighter future, and find some measure of peace along the way.

The barrier I stumbled smack dab, face pressed into the window of, was my lack of self-love. I had abandoned myself for so many years by thinking I could do it all. I was a stay at home mom to my children and had recently moved to a new area of the country where I had no family nearby. I had started to reach out to find new friends when my world turned upside down. I was used to being all things to all people, giving too much of myself in order to feel accepted and loved. Now it was my turn to accept the love others had to give, and this couldn't happen until I felt love for myself first.

I began by formalizing my commitment with a ring, I married myself! I promised to be there for me through thick or thin, rich or poor, in sickness and health. The mantra of the journey I was undertaking became my new favorite words: "radical self care". When I put myself higher on my priority list, everything else began to fall into place: I was able to set up a babysitting exchange with a good friend, I was offered a vacant second home to stay at when my ex-husband had visitation, I found affordable professionals to assist me in the divorce process, I arranged birth partners for the big day, fledgling friends came to my aid after my baby's birth and beyond. I learned that I didn't have to run myself ragged, I could work smarter, not harder. I could provide the love that I needed. I humbled myself enough to ask for help, and to accept the kind assistance that was offered.

As you can imagine, divorce with four children, work and school were not easy to balance. I not only survived those years, I slowly learned to thrive on my own. Today, I continue to keep self-love in the forefront. I ask myself often: "What do I need in this moment?" "How can this situation be changed to create less stress for me?" "Is there a boundary I need to enforce?" "What can I do to treat myself well?" "What can I take off my plate?". I know that I could not be a loving mother or wife (I'm now blissfully remarried), without the love of myself as foundation.  My self-love has grown to the point that I wouldn't recognize the person I was before. However, life gets busy and sometimes I need to be reminded to slow down and take care of myself along the way. Maybe, lovely reader, this is more for me than for you. Either way: Xoxoxo.

I Dare You

 

"To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself."

 

-Sore Kierkegaard

 

I am not in a regular habit of reading my horoscope, yesterday I happened to glance at it in the Sunday paper. The part that caught my eye: "First, learn the rules that apply, and then go for it with full force." While I don't hang my life on the advice of my horoscope, I do believe wisdom comes to us through all variety of means. If you read or hear something and say "aha!" then it's good stuff, don't ignore it.

Often we can be held back from achieving our dreams because we think we don't have the knowledge to complete the task. We feel stuck and immobilized by uncertainty. Dreams are by nature BIG, the steps to get there can seem daunting. I believe we are only capable of taking one step at a time and the nature of the next step will be revealed when we are ready to act on it.  An important step on my journey is to learn the rules that apply. This involves learning from those that have gone before me, published authors. I am gathering bits and pieces from others' experiences that will prove invaluable to forming my next step, which is right on the heels of this one. I know my trajectory may not be a straight and perfect line, but I am making progress.

What are the rules that apply to your dreams? What can you learn from someone that has done something similar? What is keeping you from your next step?

Think of a runner warming up for a long run, the first steps help gather momentum, they may seem slow at first, but they pick up and eventually feel more effortless. A body in motion stays in motion. We are all poised on greatness, all we have to do is gather some momentum to go at it full force. Everything you need to get started on your dream is waiting at your fingertips, you know what you need to do. Getting unstuck is not a mystery any longer when we're ready to dare to move, keep moving, and keep moving.

The First Step

"Faith is taking the first step when you don't see the whole staircase."

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A topic that has been on my mind is the idea that we can be our own worst enemies. If I live from a place of fear, I live a small life. If I play it safe, I keep myself busy with the mundane and fail to pursue my dreams. I do this because I want to control my environment, if it's small, I can stand in one place and see all of it. This smallness is comfortable, safe, it offers a baby blanket-like security. 


Stepping into the unknown involves risk, it involves being in an unfamiliar environment, coping with change. We tell ourselves stories about the unknown, that it probably won't be any better than our current situation, that it will have it's own challenges, which might be harder, that it will involve a super-human amount of work, and in the end may not be worth the effort. 


I'm ready to be uncomfortable and do the work it takes to grow into the my best authentic self. I'm ready to squash the fears and live what's inside of me. I know it won't be easy, and that's okay.


Welcome to my blog. I'm taking the first step to discovering bliss today, are you?