No Fear

"Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy to finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area where I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter, and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

 

-J. K. Rowling (Harvard Commencement Speech)

 

Fear can do a number on us. It can keep us from so much that life has to offer. By imagining and fearing the worst, we keep ourselves trapped in a small life. Everyone has some level of fear, the question is whether we let it stop us. I love the adage 'feel the fear and do it anyway', you are bigger than your fears.

Rowling, before authoring of the infamous Harry Potters series, hit rock bottom after divorce, becoming a single mother with no job and a baby to care for, she lived in extreme poverty. When we are stripped to our essence, we quickly learn what we are made of. When the worst has happened to us, we can choose to no longer be afraid of it. Rowling, at her bottom, chose to dig deep into her determination to be none other than herself, a writer.

There is something about the freedom that comes from facing our fears. I believe we don't have to wait for failure to happen to learn from it. We can live from the premise that we are okay no matter what. This is a nothing-to-lose mentality that can propel us higher, beyond what we think is possible. When we're willing to face the deep depths, we're able to face the greatest heights- they're more closely linked than you can imagine, fear of one leads to fear of the other.

I had a lot of fear during my divorce, I was pregnant with our fourth child and unsure if my soon to be ex-husband would be around for financial support. I lacked a career, family nearby, or any idea how I would get through emotionally. I remember being asked about the worst that could happen, my biggest fear at that point was was homelessness. I then understood my fear was a distant possibility, just by naming it I was able to move forward with my life. Even if my fear was realized, I would be alive, I would have my four beautiful children, and I would find a way out.

I encourage you to name your fears both large and small, identifying the darkness sheds light. Write them down, then give yourself a reality check, even if they did happen, what would you do? When you've written them down, burn the paper, shred it, destroy it in a satisfactory way. Say out loud, "I am letting go of my fear of ...."

When I lose my fear, I am free- to be myself, to live with passion, to pursue what I want in this lifetime, to be the type of person I am proud to be. I can live from the light within me- unique, unobstructed and brilliant as ever. You can too, in fact you were meant to. Face what's holding you back, take away its power, believe that amazing and good things will happen, they are unfolding in their own time, at a divinely inspired pace. Fear is but an emotion, it's time we put it in its place.

Dare to be Different

"To be nobody-but-myself—in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else– means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.”

– E.E. Cummings

 

There's something very attractive about the idea of just being myself, it sounds simple yet profound. I have to ask next, how or when am I not myself? We all feel the burden to fit in: to think, feel and act the way we're "supposed to". The pressure might come from family, friends, society, anyone really. I believe we are under extreme pressure to conform, to behave in accordance with who others think we are or should be. We are taught from a young age to care about everyone else's opinions about us and respond in kind, to not rock the boat or cause discomfort to others. In response, we develop a false self, an acceptable face we put on for the world and forget what we've buried beneath the facade.

The expectations placed upon us are related to the roles we play, labels such as: mother, wife, divorcee, athlete, daughter, working mom, vegan, stay at home mom, sister, sick person, fit person, Christian... have all applied to me at some point. I find it amusing to surprise people with facts about me, like when I was a single mother with four young children, working full-time, and a triathlete. The labels didn't mix in their minds and they would more often respond with "whoa", perhaps they simply wondered how I fit it all in. I am a liberal Christian, and this confuses some people as well, just because I  strive to live by Jesus' teachings does not mean I am right wing conservative. We like to pigeonhole others, and I'm probably just as guilty in many respects. In our minds we think we have someone figured out, maybe we're trying to make everyone the same when the truth is we are all magically and wonderfully unique.

It's so easy to conform! My own life decisions sometimes teeter on the edge of being what others want or expect versus being true to myself. We all want to be accepted and loved, at a very deep level. We've all felt admonished for being who we are, as if we're not good enough, impractical, or too different. A young child dresses up in a superhero costume and his mom makes him change before going out, to avoid her own embarrassment. A college student majors in business because his parents have convinced him his art will never earn him a living in the "real world". A teenage girl purposefully keeps from raising her hand in class to avoid appearing the "know-it-all" in front of her peers. We're constantly being told how to be ourselves, no wonder it feels like a struggle to avoid becoming everybody else.

We were each created to be different because the world needs what is uniquely ours to contribute. When you think of people who have changed the world, they have done so by following their own intuition and creative voice, against everything and everyone that told them they should be different. Steve Jobs dropped out of college, studied calligraphy and collected cans and bottles to obtain money for food. He followed his inner voice and is known as the "Father of the Digital Revolution". His advice to us, "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary." (Stanford commencement speech)

Never stop being yourself. I wish you the courage to fight the good fight, to follow your heart no matter where it takes you, to trust that still, small voice within you. Do what you are being called to do, even if you can only fit in five minutes a day toward the pursuit of your dreams. You were put here for a reason, and the world is waiting to experience your own unique gifts, the real you, in all of your superhero splendor.

For Lynda

"The things that happen to us do not determine who we are;

they reveal who we are."

 -Amy Bloom

 

 

Inner strength- do you have it or do you know someone that does, have you had to use yours much? We’re all a lot stronger than we think. Just like the iconic story of the mother that physically lifted a car to rescue her child from danger, we have superpower strength. This is why I’m uncomfortable when people tell me I’m strong. Well, yes I know that, but so are you, you just may not have had the opportunity to use it to the same extent.

We all have faced some sort of challenge in our past, maybe you’re in the midst of one now. Maybe you don’t feel very strong. While I think it’s important to not let our struggles define us (we are more than our struggles!), it’s also important to share how we got through because there is someone else that needs to hear it. This is why I blog.

Today I am saddened by news of a relative being diagnosed with cancer; I want to send her a dose of inner strength as she reels from the news. I know the act of surviving breeds strength, always. Sometimes we just have to take a deep breath and brace ourselves for what's ahead. I want her, and you, to know that you have the strength you need, within you, for anything you may face. Look to others to remind you of your strength, rely on them: those that have been there (authors, bloggers), friends, family, and especially God. Know that the pain is temporary, you can do this.

Maybe you need a reminder today of just how strong you are. You may not be facing a large struggle, but I bet there are plenty of small ones that pop up day to day. I believe we should stop measuring diffiulties, we are all in the same boat and what's small for one person is large for another, it's a mere matter of perspective.

Large, small, cancer, or a baby that refuses to sleep at night... you're not alone. You're about to reveal something wonderful you maybe never knew you contained- beautiful, graceful strength.