The Best Gifts

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free

'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

 

When true simplicity is gained,

To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come 'round right."

 

Simple Gifts by Joseph Brackett

http://www.marthastewart.com/274852/christmas-lights/@center/307034/christmas-workshop#/168867

 
The Holidays are upon us. This favorite time of year can easily tip into overwhelming. So much to plan, do and spend. One of my favorite songs, especially this time of year, is Simple Gifts. I need a reminder to slow down and enjoy the change of pace winter can bring. I am carrying over the gratitude focus from Thanksgiving into Christmas. Join me in opening the gifts already bestowed upon us during this beautiful season.

Simple Gifts... notice the original lyrics focus on "the gift" not "a gift", as it's been rendered in recent times. Shakers believed their faith was the supreme gift (credit), to sing about the gift was a reference to faith, a big difference one word can make. While I don't purport to be a Shaker, I believe each one of us are infused with an overflowing abundance of gifts, none of which need be purchased. With faith we see that we have all that we need. 

I love the idea of being simple and free, together. Perhaps one necessarily leads to the other. When we simplify, we promote freedom. When we are free, we are more likely to live simply. What does simplicity mean to you? I have four tenants to simple living:

1. Working smarter not harder. It's too easy to run circles throughout my day moving from one random activity to another, I'd much rather take the time to plan routines that both nurture my family and me and tackle my to-do list. I call these small yet significant decisions upgrading. One example, I delegate chores to the kids and pay them- they learn the value of work (for money I would have shelled out anyway, shhh) and I don't have to spend as much time cleaning. Win-win!
2. Consuming and shopping less. Staying out of stores leaves me more time, energy and you guessed it...money. I ask myself, do I need this or do I just want it? Will I still like this a year from now, or will it be clutter? I plan Christmas shopping carefully and within a budget, ideally  months in advance. I hand-craft gifts from the heart.
3. Consciously letting go of that which is holding me down- outgrown activities, toxic relationships, bad habits and clutter. I listen to my inner voice. If I have a bad vibe about something I let it go immediately. Physical clutter leads to mental clutter, it is the ultimate depression producer, toss toss.
4. Being picky about activities to which I commit myself. I've gotten better at saying no with love. I remember where my heart is, what brings me joy: family, fitness, spirituality, friends, solitude. I keep the important areas of my life in focus. I have given up trying to be everything to everyone.

Freedom necessarily supports simplicity. I am free to be myself without trying to conform to any complex standard. I am free to reject aspects of our predominant culture that don't fit with my values. My spirituality contributes immeasurably to my freedom. By trusting that God has a plan for me, I am free of fear and worry. I know I am exactly where I need to be. I am free because I feel unconditionally loved, I'm never alone. And the ultimate freedom- limits are removed from what I can accomplish because I believe that with faith, everything is possible.   

Simple Gifts was created as a dance accompaniment, to 'turn' is dance call. I like the idea that turning, bowing and bending connote change. We turn and come around right, we learn, grow and come to the conclusion after trial and error the importance of simplicity and freedom. We are flexible and open to the wisdom life has to offer. Change is embraced as we search for the lesson it offers.

How would it feel to live your life from the perspective that you are gifted? You are not without, lacking, insufficient or needing. You contain gifts within you by simple reason that you are alive and reading this now. Is the hustle-bustle obscuring your joy? Remember that you are enough, you do enough, and you have... enough.

Tell me, how are you going to carry the message of this sweet song into your life during this holiday season?

Love You First

"...all I plead with you is this: make love of yourself perfect."

 

-Sri Nisargadatla

 

There was a time in my life when hurling through the cosmos by a thread hanging from the edge of my pants was the norm. I didn't know up from down, left from right, and I was catapulting toward destruction. I was going through a divorce at the time, pregnant with my fourth child and trying to get back into the workforce while keeping some measure of sanity. I was alone, afraid, unsure of every decision, and expecting the worst. The most valuable piece of advice I received, in the middle of all of this chaos, was to set myself up for success.

As you can guess, I had set myself up for the polar opposite of happiness and fulfillment. I had no career, no emotional support, and no plan. When I did start moving in the direction of self-sufficiency, I felt like I lacked the tools to get where I wanted to go. I needed a lot during this time in my life, and it wasn't about to be handed to me on a pretty, shiny platter. I had to find the confidence and courage to ask for help so I could move through this challenging period toward a brighter future, and find some measure of peace along the way.

The barrier I stumbled smack dab, face pressed into the window of, was my lack of self-love. I had abandoned myself for so many years by thinking I could do it all. I was a stay at home mom to my children and had recently moved to a new area of the country where I had no family nearby. I had started to reach out to find new friends when my world turned upside down. I was used to being all things to all people, giving too much of myself in order to feel accepted and loved. Now it was my turn to accept the love others had to give, and this couldn't happen until I felt love for myself first.

I began by formalizing my commitment with a ring, I married myself! I promised to be there for me through thick or thin, rich or poor, in sickness and health. The mantra of the journey I was undertaking became my new favorite words: "radical self care". When I put myself higher on my priority list, everything else began to fall into place: I was able to set up a babysitting exchange with a good friend, I was offered a vacant second home to stay at when my ex-husband had visitation, I found affordable professionals to assist me in the divorce process, I arranged birth partners for the big day, fledgling friends came to my aid after my baby's birth and beyond. I learned that I didn't have to run myself ragged, I could work smarter, not harder. I could provide the love that I needed. I humbled myself enough to ask for help, and to accept the kind assistance that was offered.

As you can imagine, divorce with four children, work and school were not easy to balance. I not only survived those years, I slowly learned to thrive on my own. Today, I continue to keep self-love in the forefront. I ask myself often: "What do I need in this moment?" "How can this situation be changed to create less stress for me?" "Is there a boundary I need to enforce?" "What can I do to treat myself well?" "What can I take off my plate?". I know that I could not be a loving mother or wife (I'm now blissfully remarried), without the love of myself as foundation.  My self-love has grown to the point that I wouldn't recognize the person I was before. However, life gets busy and sometimes I need to be reminded to slow down and take care of myself along the way. Maybe, lovely reader, this is more for me than for you. Either way: Xoxoxo.