Become New

I am not who I was

I am being remade

I am new.

 

-Jason Gray

The rebirth of the light at this time of year, symbolized by the birth of Jesus and the return of the sun at the Winter Solstice, reminds us that we too can be born anew. The darkest days will soon be behind us. As light returns, warmth and joy are waiting for us. Just as winter slowly fades, you can choose to fade parts of yourself which you are ready to let go. You can decide how you will come back to life after the darkness and be made anew for 2013.

Each new year can be a turning point in our lives. Every day can also be a turning point. The cells in our bodies are constantly regenerating. You are literally a different person than you were five years ago. Reinvention is a beautiful process, one in which we can constantly engage. Each of us will experience being submerged in darkness at some point, a cold, bitter place that feels permanent. Nature's seasons remind us that our time in the light is coming, in fact it's just around the corner. With every death there is birth, with every sorrow there is possibility for bliss.

To get to our better season, we have to hang tight in the discomfort of our winter. When we try to escape the pain of whichever dark situation we are in, we lose the intended lesson. This is a surefire way to invite the same darkness back for seconds, or thirds. What you resist persists. What is showing up in your life that continues to hold you down? Gather the wisdom, imbibe it, become it, live by it daily. Have gratitude for what your challenge has taught you.

At age 16, when I accepted my lupus as an opportunity to grow in health rather than an enemy to destroy, I moved toward remission. I surrendered to what I could not change. I became grateful for the gift of self-realization at such a young age. Illness can be a great teacher, if you let it.

Some darkness is self-inflicted. Mistakes are a part of life, so are making amends, forgiving yourself and moving on. The size of the transgression makes no difference- you are pure divinity at your core and can always return to that.

You are valuable, you are loved and whole. You are new. You have the opportunity to become all of the hopes you hold in your heart. What truth are you living from as we enter the light? What are you bringing alive in 2013? Here's to a new beginning.

Healthy is Beautiful

Smile because you are beautiful.

 

 

There was a time in my life when I felt my beauty, internal and external, had been taken away from me. My illness, lupus, created a rift between who I thought I was (healthy, vibrant, free) versus the reality of my situation (I was sick, tired and scared). I mourned my former self, I yearned for her to return so I could feel whole and pretty again. At age fourteen, I was broken by my diagnosis, I knew life would never be the same. I gained weight from high dose prednisone and lost my hair from chemotherapy, I was devastated. I turned inward during my high school years, feeling robbed, hoping one day I would have my self back.

 

I eventually learned to accept lupus as a part of me, I had to make peace with the disease that I wanted to fight against with everything I had. I knew I was only fighting against myself, after all it was my own immune system creating the havoc, I was only creating more stress (and illness) as I resisted. Only by learning to live with my new identity was I was ready to move beyond lupus patient to lupus survivor.

 

As the years passed, I was less and less concerned about my physical appearance, which at the time was beyond my control. I became more concerned with my overall health, I became a vegetarian and started practicing martial arts, yoga and meditation. Eventually I did get better, my hair grew back into a pixie style by my high school graduation, I lost weight as my prednisone decreased until I was in complete remission. My physical looks returned to what I had known pre-illness, while I felt more like myself on the outside, I was forever changed because of my experience.

 

Today, when women complain about their looks to me or compare themselves to someone they think is more attractive, I have a difficult time responding. I've been enjoying remission for close to twenty years and no one could guess that I have a chronic illness. I am healthy by all accounts, and I take my health seriously. I'm of the "prevention is hot" camp and do all that I can to take care of myself.  

 

Women who think they should look one way or another forget their innate beauty and how blessed they are to have their health. Foster gorgeousness from the inside out by practicing self love, we love ourselves when we eat healthfully, exercise and decrease stress. Our outsides are a reflection of our internal health- make health your goal, instead of conforming to society's narrow definition of what is attractive. Remember that your health is a gift, have gratitude for your amazing body. You are alive, you are healthy, you are beautiful. 

 

 

My inspiration for this post: Kris Carr , beautiful cancer survivor, watch her documentary Crazy Sexy Cancer and read her Crazy Sexy Diet book (not about dieting to lose weight, but to achieve greater health).